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Beginning To Lose It

It's been awhile since I've been on here. I've been bouncing back and forth between Florida and New York, trying to get life with my girlfriend (who I plan to marry) straightened out. Well here's what's happened... Awhile ago I was experiencing involuntary movements while falling asleep. As time passed I started experiencing them during the day as well, twitches in the fingers, toes, shoulders, head, arms, legs, etc. I am so afraid. I finally got in to see my doctors again, now that I'm back, and they're going to tell me when I can get in to get tested within the next week or two hopefully. I really hope these symptoms I'm experiencing are not HD. If I have HD I honestly don't think I can handle it. I got the police called on me two nights ago, because I had a nervous breakdown. I was crying, screaming, breaking everything in the house, and ended up in the fetal position before the two squad cars got here. The thoughts of not being able to have a life here with the one I love are unbearable. The thought of being a vegetable in a nursing home, is not acceptable. I am so afraid. I don't know what to do, and I don't even know what the point of me writing this is. I just have no other option right now, it's either get it out here or going around punching holes in the wall and smashing everything. I feel like I am suffocating, and I am trapped. These possible symptoms are scaring the hell out of me. If I do get bad news, I also do not believe that there will be treatment or a cure in time for me. I don't know what to do, I don't know how and can not handle this.

9 months ago

 Samuel....What is there to say? People have told me that GOD never puts more on you

than you could bear.Well,doesn't it seem GOD has a high opinion of us sometimes?

Being HD positive has caused me a wide range of emotions.

9 months ago

SAMUEL, YOU ARE BRAVE TO PUT INTO WORD WHAT YOU FEEL.  IT ISNT FAIR THAT HD IS BAD ENOUGH BUT TO FEEL LIKE THIS IN OUR MINDS IS UNBEARABLE.  I DONT WRITE DOWN THE THINGS I FEEL VERY OFTEN CAUSE IT MAKES THEM REALITY.  I HAD STARTED HAVING SEVERE EMOTIONAL UPS AND DOWNS ABOUT 7 YEARS AGO.  THAT HAS SEEMED TO CHANGE IN SOME WAYS.  NOW IT IS JUST A RACING IN MY MIND THAT REALLY IS TIRING.  I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE THE ONE ON THE FLOOR, AND IT HURTS SO BAD.  JUST KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND SOMEONE OUT THERE IS THINKING OF YOU

9 months ago

I admire your strength and respect you for still standing with HD. However I do not believe in "GOD". I believe there is more going on than human beings are aware of, and I believe in the possibility of a "creator", but if the "GOD" you refer to is the god of the bibles of the various and scattered man made religions, he offers me no hope as there is not a shred of significant evidence to have any reason to believe in Christianity or any other religion, any more than I would believe that my neighbor can shoot fireballs out of his hands. The only thing it has is the guilt trip of "faith", and the other tools of duress it uses in order to gain numbers. If god is real, he would love and understand me, help me, forgive me, and accept me when I return home. Not threaten me, and torment me with visions of burning in hell forever and ever, because I used to the brain and the rationality he gave me to legitimately arrive at the conclusions and beliefs I have about "god" and "religion", instead of only mindlessly accepting the endless versions of faith that are shoved down my throat at every turn. A real god would respect me for trying and searching as hard as I could, and accept me into heaven even if I did die without finding or believing the truth.

9 months ago

Joanne, thank you very much. You are brave too. Do you have HD? If you do, how do you get through it?

9 months ago

I HAVE NOT BEEN TESTED. I AM TRYING TO FIND A RESOURCE THAT WILL OFFER TESTING.  I CANNOT AFFORD IT NOW.  SOME DAYS ARE PHYSICALLY BAD, BUT I HAVE TRAINED MYSELF TO CONCENTRATE SO HARD WHEN I AM IN PUBLIC TO NOT LET ANY MOVEMENT SHOW.  I TEACH YOGA AND AM HAVING INCREASINGLY DIFFICULT TIME, BOTH IN CONCENTRATION AND BALANCE.  SOMETIMES I HOLD MY MUSCLES SO TIGHT ALL DAY I COULD JUST COLAPSE AT THE END OF THE DAY.  IT IS MY WAY OF DENIAL I GUESS.  I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE WHAT I WAS DOING UNTIL ABOUT 6 MONTHS AGO.  WHEN I AM EXAUSTED I JERK A LITTLE BUT MOSTLY MY RIGHT ARM

9 months ago

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